this week as the new year has started i’m committing to be obedient.

the word says that obedience is better than sacrifice.

i’ve a heart to seek the lord.

i want to be a bride prepared for the bridegroom. and in love he’s correcting. and in love he’s training. and in love he’s cleaning me up and preparing the details for the wedding day.

i want to be obedient.

and as i’ve walked the last 24 hours in obedience i have had peace that passes all understanding. i’m really thankful for the mercy and grace the Lord has. as i lay my wants, desires and plans down for all the Lord has, i find that more fulfilling than i could have imagined because it is his will.

i’m starting the year out… grateful.

i have had the pleasure of spending the last 5 days in MN. and can i say, as usual, my time in the cities and with some great friends makes it nearly impossible to not consider moving back— giving Minneapolis another shot. this time i’d do a bunch of things differently.

here’s the kicker. in the last 2 weeks, i have spent a ton of time asking God to be clear with me about the next steps in my future: with school, with work, with relationships. my prayer has been, “where do you want me and who do you want me investing in?”

this is what i’ve come up with so far:

1.i’d prefer to be in a warm climate near a beach

2. OR in a big city (like minneapolis) with great friends, music, and an awesome job.

3.i’d like to travel—-a lot.

4.i’d like to move out sooner than later and not because my home isn’t amazing but because it’s time to grow in that way.

and this is what i’ve got:

1.a couple friends in the cities who’d be glad to hang with me on the weekends if i was living in minnie

2.a family that would support me in anything

3.a heart that is really torn: i have never felt in my entire life, more torn between my dreams, and God’s heart for me. and i’m really broken in His presence because truly, i want what He wants, and exposing what He wants sheds light on a bunch of failures and insecurities and lies i’ve been holding.

so i’m sharing this because i could use some prayer:

for strength to do what He calls me to do—which isn’t in my nature

for a listening heart

for clarity

i’m praying that at the end of all this self discover and plans God has for my future that I’ll be found in HIM and it will be clear that HE lives in me.

my heart is open- not heavy

my heart is broken- for the right things

my heart is hopeful- not weary

my heart is full of peace

i chose Christ because he chose me, and because of that I commit to the following:

“do not be anxious.”

“present your requests to God.”

“let the peace of God guard your heart and mind.”

so accurate. the desire of my heart.

honestly—breathe taking.

hebrews 4:12 “for the word of God is living&active. sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul&spirit, joints&marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” niv.

if the word of God is living&active than the body should living actively as well.

what have you done for the kingdom lately? do you look alive?

check your vital sign- get into the word and you will experience breathe again.

psalm 16: “keep me safe, O God, i’ve run for dear life to you. i say to God, ‘Be my Lord!’ without you, nothing makes sense…. my choice is you, God, first and only. and now i find i’m your choice!” msg.

what life we have when we have you.

how special the day this came to be true.

what joy we have when we love you.

how anointed our time as we seek you.

lord, today, help me to love you and your plans for your kids. be my first and only choice.

grayculture team

its not too late. its never too late. tell about the parable of the workers- they all started working at different times-the one who started last still received the same benefits.

are you broken? today i was. today i hurt on a level i never knew was possible. a place of me felt deep deep pain i never knew existed. it prompted me to share this. there are many of us who have been broken. our spirits are broken. our hearts are broken. we are a “hot mess”. i, kayla, admin. of grayculture am human, and some days a “hot mess”. i know right, hard to believe?

this is for anyone who is broken. believe it is the place God wants you. prepare your heart for absolute life in HIM.

young adults-you can do this. kayla-you can do this. grayculture-we can do this. we can impact culture. we can live for the Lord. we will not back down. we will not stand aloneORafraid. we have value in the Lords eyes and there are lost people out there who don’t know about their value. we need to run to them with the word.

dear young adult that is hurting,
you need to know that god says you are a royal priesthood. you are his kid. he has plans for your life. you are a chosen people. you will sit with him as a co-heir. you will be his glory. you will be the salt&light he has called you to be. you are beautiful and do not need to accept the lies satan is trying to whisper.

this is what i believe God wants you to hear.

broken child:
i, God, have something for you to do for me that no one else can. stop running from my love, it hurts me. i am calling to your, drawing you to me. i know its hard for you to love, and to let someone love, but you have to trust me; i wont hurt you. i sent my son to die just for you. you mean everything to me. your salvation means everything to me. i am a jealous god-jealous of your love-stop giving it away to the things in life that seem to fill that empty spot. i know about that empty spot, and only i can truly satisfy that place deep deep down in your heart. seek me-you will find me. i will wait for you. how long will i have to wait? im anxious to spend time pouring goodness into your life. will you let me? will you please let me into your brokenness. you see, your life was a glass picture. satan threw some stones at the picture. when you look at the picture all you see is big cracks, missing pieces, shattered dreams and glass. your holding all of the pieces in your hand- your cutting yourself. tori, when will you give me what looks like a mess. you see i say “all things work together for the good of those who believe”. i want to take that broken little picture and put together a mosaic. its going to be perfect. i designed it unique- unlike any one elses mosaic. all those pieces fit together for a reason. you will do great and mighty things for me. stay faithful. stay strong. my son is here praying for you at my feet right now. i love you. i am god, and i love you. you may not know who you are but who you are really isn’t important- who i am is. i am your provider. i am, i am. i am your healer. i am peace that passes all you understand. i am love,mercy,grace.

talk to me, tell me your pain. i hear you call to me. i love you.

God.


“when life is heavy&hard to take, go off by yourself. enter the silence. bow in prayer. dont ask questions: wait for hope to appear. dont run from trouble. take it full-face. the “worst” is never the worst. why? because the master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. if he works severly, he also works tenderly. his stockpiles of loyal love are immense.” lamentations 3:28-33

do you remember what it felt like to be young?

that age where you understand short and long times but not days, or weeks, or months. its the age when you would ask, “mom how many more days of summer?” and then say “is that long?”

i remember. i remember one summer on a really really hot day, we had spent the entire day busy as can be. we went to the pool, we ate ice pops and played in the sprinkler. for some reason i loved that day. part of me wanted a million more, but another part of me wanted to see my friends at school. i asked my mom “how many more days of summer?” she answered. and as far as i know, this was the very first moment in my life i felt torn between to emotions. i felt happy to spend more days with my mom and sister and our pool friends, but i felt sad that i would not see my school friends for so long.

its interesting to me to think back to this moment. i remember exactly where i was standing, what bathing suit i had on, and that i had a twig in my hand. that day marked a day of choice. for the first time i had the ability to decide to be happy and experience life, or to be sad and wish time away.

i did not wish my summer by that year. i experienced life&all it offered me that summer. but today i had to question myself: “kayla, are you wishing time away or are you choosing to experience life today?”

today started out all wrong. i woke up late, could not go to school, missed an online assignment, and suddenly felt my entire being freeze up. i was growing anxious and overwhelmed. i called my dad. he said, “kayla, let today be a day to rejoice in the Lord.” I got off the phone, a little more composed, ready to re-center my attention to get some life things accomplished today.

i went downstairs, the house is so quite, the sun is shining in the window, and i took a deep breathe. today, my commitment to be a “person that experiences all that life offers” was challenged. so i did what every good college student does, i ground some fresh coffee beans and drank a nice big mug of black coffee. i went out to the porch and ate breakfast outside. i decided i should rake the leaves at our house. as i was raking, the tree kept putting off leaves. i thought to myself, “maybe i should have just waited until all the leaves fell. this is annoying.” and my next thought was, “maybe i should figure out a way to get all the leaves out of the tree now so i don’t have to deal with this later.” and in that very moment as my arms began to ache a little, and i was getting a little chilly, and frustrated, i realized, “kayla- you are not experiencing life!”

its funny, but when i was young, i would have never cared about raking more than once. in fact i would have loved diving into the pile a million times, and would have been excited to rake just so that i could play. i decided to sit down and just watch life happen around me. my neighbors were busy raking and cleaning their cars. airplanes were loudly flying by. the leaves were floating to the ground so gently. in this moment, i had a choice to make: experience lifeORwish time by. i took a deep breathe, made a coffee for the mail lady (invited her to ‘be our guest’ on sunday), and finished raking, enjoying every minute of the morning God gave me.

i, kayla, choose today to: experience life. i will re-center to achieve things that matter for eternity. i will fall into fall&enjoy all the leaves as they fall on Gods time. i will love each moment that passes by.